Posted in On the Path

Jealousy it’s karma effects

Sometimes jealousy isn’t petty, it’s never good to be sure but not petty…do not discount it’s existence or impact on your life and your relationships… especially when it’s aimed against you.

Karmic loss and gain due to jealously… a personal story

I just found out my sis claimed my family as hers. Well for one she was too selfish to share her life with loving people and friends who tried to be in her life all her whole life…

A random date, a colonoscopy today with my sis’ ex-coworkers who asked if I was related to her and they asked me how her husband was doing, a foreigner and it was mine not hers! She was never married nor did she have a kid. Last year, in the grocery store I met her old neighbor and she said my sis claimed my kid was hers all those years! How sad that is and it makes me wonder just how far she carried that farce!

My little sister said years ago my sis was jealous of me! and wow and how! My sis was always cruel to me, never caring about if I could keep up with her walking (I couldn’t, always hurting) and I sought her out all these years out of caring and thought it was like real close sisters. How sad and maddingly this is, but now I’m aware and free of this delusion in my life.. Hope it makes for my better life choices from now on.

Hey, I took risks on love dated responsibly, married had a baby, raised her to adult and lost hubby… and dang it it was worth every joy and sorrow… I earned every one of those joys and sorrows, and they are entirely mine!

All the more reason to be aware of who your real friends are even among your own family… wow just something I never really got before today! Apparently I’m a slow learner because I thought of the best in people never once did I think one’s own family could be devious or non-supportive when actually they were never supportive, just odd…. that…

Karmic relationships that weren’t ever given a chance to develop due to jealous lies, misleading people about the person who is the object of jealousy, broken family relationships due to myth-making interferring with relationships with family… wow, it’s sad when you think of it!

But the best thing of all about this; is now, this day I had a chance to get the right information at the right time… I’m a bhikshuni and the karmic effects of being that alone are overshadowing my past and the effects of hers against me… that’s a fact!

Mom is a little more supportive now that the stress of dealing with my sis’ illness is not her concern anymore, her aging into retirement is going well, she enjoys life and solitude a little more than she thought she would, I’ll never be her favorite but then I never missed not being that! I was really a naive kid, never really undestanding family dynamics, let alone jeaolousy… Understanding has set me free of my self-made fantasies of what a family is and should be. Basic morality should be the core of every person regardless of their family’s social or learned morality whether it is good or harmful.

Karmic effect of being 50….. GREAT! Not to near death that you don’t fear time and not to far from your youth that you still dream!

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Author:

I am a Bhikshuni ordained in Mahayana Chinese Buddhist tradition. I'm currently translating Vinaya sutras from the Chinese Mahayana Tripitaka.

2 thoughts on “Jealousy it’s karma effects

  1. Yes, it was! A bit of shock to learn somebody raised so close in your own family had such devious actions… it makes me wonder how far I have to look to see if there are any legal issues to protect myself from! I’d would never occur to me except these past 4 years returning to Iowa I kept being stopped in the street by ppl who knew her, worked with her, and took care of her that thought I was her! They would address me by her name even! But even at that, I never had a clue how far she would go! Karma, wow!

    Yet when it comes to the rare times of her telling me how she feels about me, is that she is sorry and really, really loves me! Pah, what fakery that is… reality is she is actively jealous and hateful… and that’s her karma… she has to work herself, not me….

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