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Caring for trying not to share the grief

Right now I’m fine. Although I shocked myself by sharing tears with a young woman whom came to me for help. It happened when I had a visit from a young college woman who had left college and brought her parents over to be with her after her dad suffered pancreatic cancer and now suffers from advanced liver cancer. She is a little older than my own daughter. Suffering from knowing her dad is dying in 2 or 3 months. Wishing for a cure. She had said she didn’t accept his dying. And we chatted about her situation I decided to share mine. My dad died in 2008 and I went through what she is about to go through. So when she broke down, I shared tears and I apologized for it because I after all was trying to be there for her and not have my issues. I worried and am worried that I will cry in the moments facings their deep grief when her dad is actually on his dying day. How can I help chant when I am weeping too? I used to be critical of nuns who cried during funerals now I see how deeply they loved their fathers or mothers or children and remember that when they are trying to do funerals. I do indeed. What should I do?


I am a Bhikshuni ordained in Mahayana Chinese Buddhist tradition. I'm currently translating Vinaya sutras from the Chinese Mahayana Tripitaka.

3 thoughts on “Caring for trying not to share the grief

  1. Thank you papsgirl20, I really appreciate your support. I had no idea that I would act that way. I guess it’s right and natural to do so. I didn’t know how long she would cry so I offered a hug and she took it, until she felt better since I am a mom and she is so young! I brewed tea and we kept talking afterwards. My heart goes out to her and her family and I do think of them daily.


  2. Sorry it sent when I wasnt done…. I realized thats what I was missing all along… someone who felt the pain I did, and would actually show they felt it and they cared. I guess what Im trying to say is everyone hurts and a lot of people hid it, Maybe by showing your emotions will help her just like my counselor had help me and she dosnt even know it…. I hope this helps!
    Keep your chin up! 🙂


  3. Showing your tears is not a bad thing. I have always been involved in some sort of counseling and it wasnt until just recently I found the right one for me. I lost my mom at the age of 5. I was talking to my counselor about how this was bothering me and it turned out she had just recently lost her mom. She began to cry as I cry’d and at first it shocked me. I wasnt sure how to react…. When it all gathered in my head I realized thats it!


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