I did a google search on invisible visability, and guess what lots of books and lots of blogs from women came up, just similar to me. Hmmm.. All were devalued, unwanted by their mothers and probably once I read more their fathers too.
Wow! What is with those parents of the 40s, 50s, and 60s! Bad parenting all round?! Why? They were cherished as a generation. What changed their minds?
Was it Dr. Spock? Drugs!? what…??
I have nothing to add to their words, except one thing. You get over it. You get on with your life. And you don’t have regrets. If you do it right, your mom has no regrets. This is true compassion if you practice Buddhism you will get me. Being invisible just gets you more freedom. It gives you the authority to make all your choices in life and really see they are truly your choices.
In my case growing up unwanted didn’t even enter my mind as such a possibility It came when mom confessed to me that was the case a few months after Dad died. But it sure explained a lot! I got it. I didn’t miss it. I don’t mind it! I never got angry, never needed to.
I had bliss in not having all the facts. I see now it’s made me more aware, more caring than the rest of the clan, less obstructed by emotional self-whipping that they engage in and less prone to addictive behavior that they have. Lucky me!!!!!
I am truly happy at 52 realizing that hell, it don’t matter one bit! I made choices all my life for my well being that’s what you get when you are unwanted by your mom and dad. That’s the first gift of freedom, personal responsibility for your own well being! You raised yourself! Some areas of my life are mysteries like having to make small talk with small groups, making relationships work in the moment like power networking for livelihood and survival. I’d just like to say it’s really not all that necessary to live a good life, it is more peaceful when you don’t have to keep a scorecard.
I feel sorry for those keeping angry about it, harboring the hate from neglect or abuse. I can’t because I didn’t feel it, it was abuse an emotional type, but really I CHOOSE to forgive and forget it. I love my life as it is, I’ll continue to adapt, accept, and move on when things happen or I happen to it. Either way it’s so good!
- Letter: “Permissive generation” needs to get a handled on before its too late (tcpalm.com)
- Brother’s Keeper… October 24, 2012 (jonathots.wordpress.com)
- The Invention of American Childhood (themoderatevoice.com)
- ‘She just didn’t like me’: Nigella Lawson reveals agonising relationship with her depressed mother ‘who hit her brother’ (dailymail.co.uk)
- Strippers and Coffee (diannegray.wordpress.com)
- Mother Wounds (journeystomotherlove.wordpress.com)
- Halved by blood, divided by water (marvalously.wordpress.com)
- A House Full (overexposedandunderdeveloped.com)
- Princess by Proxy: Explaining Extreme Pageant Moms (psychologytoday.com)